Does anyone really love me? Does anyone really care about me?

If i was gone would any one even give a shit?
Sure my kids love me but theyd eventually grow up and move on. Kids are resiliant like that. Arent they?
No one ever chases after me. Ever.
Im easy to forget. Im easy to lose.

Im totally replaceable.

I know i go round and round with the same fears and issues. I know Im broken. Im sorry. I dont know why Im broken. I dont know when I happened. Ive tried and tried to figure out when it happened. I just cant. Does it even matter though? All that matters is that Im broken, damaged. No body keeps damaged goods. When you order something and it shows up damaged you return it.

Maybe I need to be returned.

Maybe thats my problem. People are always realizing how damaged and defective I am and then they return me......they exchange me for the better model.

I could leave now and theyd probably all be relieved. Sure there might be anger at first. No one would be there to do the day to day shit I do. Its be an inconvience at first but they'd all move past it and figure it out.

But what would i do? People leave me and I go numb. Catatonic. Everytime someone has left me a small piece of me has gone with them. All those small pieces have added up to a whole hell of a lot. Im going around trying to hols whats left together but its not working. I need more hands. No one wants to help though.

i mean if you really loved me could you lay there and sleep while i sat on the bathroom floor in the dark and cried.

you never come for me. Im not needed.

I always think if i eat right, if i lose weight, if i dress right, if i succeed, if i work harder, if i try more, if i apply myself.....if i can just be better it will all get better,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but it doesnt,

How do I make this stop? How do I get better? Is this just how it is for me?
Maybe this is what I deserve.

How do i explain this?
Why do i have to ask for love?
When your loved you shouldnt have to ask for it right?